Real or Not Real?
by DarkDaughter1318
Summary: After her return to District 12, Katniss finally gives hunting another try. But when she has an unsuspected follower, she comes to find out what feelings are real, and what feelings are not real.


It was the first time I'd actually been able to convince myself to hunt since I'd returned to District 12. I'd tried upon the first week of arriving, but saying that was a failure would be an understatement. I couldn't force myself to do it. Not when I knew I'd have no partner, no one to watch my back when I needed it, no one to scare the animals into visibility. It was just me now, and it would always just be me. I grabbed my bow from the closet, and slipped on my father's hunting jacket before walking through the dust and the rubble of District 12 towards the fence. When I reached it, I stopped for a moment, listening closely. I knew there was no electricity running through the fence, but I guess old habits die hard. I stepped through the fence and started to our meeting place. I stopped the thought in its tracks. It would never be our meeting place again. I had to fight the feelings coursing through me away. _He killed Prim. He killed your sister. You cannot miss him. You don't miss him. _I avoided the spot entirely, heading straight into the thicker tree's bow loaded and ready to go. Of course, I didn't have any exploding arrows or arrows that caught on fire… I just had normal arrows. It was nice for something… anything to feel normal. I was afraid I'd never have that feeling again. I trekked deeper into the woods, passing up a few squirrels and rabbits. I was hoping for something bigger. That's when I saw it. It was a buck, about two yards away. If I got just a few steps closer, I knew I could hit him, no problem. I crouched down, taking aim right at his head when I heard footsteps behind me. I automatically froze thinking worst case scenario. I listened hard to the footfalls relying mostly on the ear the Capitol fixed. They were human, which meant someone had followed me. Automatically, I went into battle mode. I turned slowly, forgetting about the deer, keeping my arrow aimed right at the direction the sound was coming from. Then, they stopped. I waited, but they never picked back up. I debated on walking towards where the sound stopped, but when I turned around, the deer was still very close and an extremely easy target. I couldn't pass this up. I took aim again, when I heard my name called from right behind me. I turned and released my arrow in the direction the sound came from. Automatically, the person dropped to the ground, avoiding my arrow completely. That's when I saw who it was. _Peeta. _I turned back around to see the deer had run off.

"Damn you, Peeta. Did you see the size of that thing you just scared off?" I demanded, anger clear in my voice. Actually, I don't think there was ever any other emotion in my voice other than anger… or the occasional agony from all of my losses.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know-." He stopped.

"Why did you follow me?" I asked him. I walked over and extended a hand to help him up. He took it and stood up.

"I thought…. Well, I thought maybe you'd want some company. I know you spend a lot of your time alone now, so…" He trailed off, revealing the knife in his pocket. He was going to clean whatever I killed. I started to send him back, to tell him that this was something me and Gale did together and I didn't feel comfortable doing it with him, but I stopped myself. He was right. I did spend a lot of my time alone, and maybe this would make things easier… having a little company. I met his gaze, and gave him the best smile I could manage, and nodded once.

"Thanks Peeta. That'd be nice." He smiled at me.

"I'll be quiet." He promised, which I knew was next to impossible for him, so I knew he wouldn't be moving much. I picked up a rock and threw it into the woods, waiting to see something move. That's when I saw my buck start through the tree's again. I turned around and pressed a finger to my lips before moving closer. Through the tree's I had a good shot, but I had no guarantee I'd hit him. If he moved in the slightest, my arrow would whiz right past him. I heard Peeta slowly coming up behind me. He was right though, he was being very quiet. I was surprised and slightly taken back to the arena. He watched as I hunted, watching as I moved stealthily through the tree's looking for my next victim. It had always been like this though. For the longest time, I thought I was the prey, the one everyone had been out to get, but really… I'd been the predator all along. The realization froze me for a second, before I aimed and fired, catching the deer right in the temple. Not my usual shot, but it was close enough. It took him down immediately, which was more than I wanted. Peeta chuckled behind me. I turned to see him smiling at me.

"What?" I asked, suspiciously.

"Not as clean of a shot as I expected. I'm disappointed Soldier Everdeen." He teased. I rolled my eyes.

"I'd like to see you do better." I muttered playfully. This felt wrong, having him here with me while hunting, but at the same time… It felt good to have company. Regardless of everything that had happened, I knew that Peeta was just as damaged as I was, if not worse. He followed me through the woods and helped me carry the buck back to the fence. Once we got it through, we carried it to my house in the Victors Village and into my back yard to clean it. I let Peeta do it, and just watched his skillful hand as he cleared every bit of fur and flesh from the deer, and cut the meet into large pieces, laying them on the piece of plastic we'd set out for them. Greasy Sae wrapped them and stored them so we could cook them and eat the later. I went back inside and put up my bow and stripped out of my father's jacket.

"It was nice watching you hunt." Peeta said. I turned to see him looking down at his feet.

"Really? Why?" I asked. I expected something about my being stealthy or a predator, and how I was an amazing shot, but instead he sighed.

"Because it means that you're finally getting back to normal. I've watched you look so unhappy for so long, Katniss… but out there in the woods, even though that was your place with Gale… you looked so content. It's where you love to be, and seeing that on your face instead of the normal pain or rage… it was nice. It made me feel good." When he finished, and I hadn't spoken, he looked up. I just stared at him. I hadn't been expecting that kind of answer at all, but I knew he was right. Out there in the woods, I'd felt the happiest I'd felt in what seemed like an eternity.

"I am happy out there."

"I know. I like to see you happy, Katniss. It seems like every time we're thrown together… all it leads to is unhappiness and pain, but it's different now. Everything's different now." He said. I nodded. He was right. Nothing was the same now that the Capitol had lost, now that we were free. "Next time you go out there…. if you don't mind of course… I'd really like to go with you." I didn't speak for a moment. I thought of how petty it would be, dragging him along to fill in Gale's place… but I felt so at peace with Peeta out there today. I smiled, and for the first time… It was genuine.

"I'd like that a lot, Peeta." He smiled back, and it sort of lit up the room around us. It was now I saw that regardless of Peeta's hijacking, regardless of all the torture, nothing was ever really going to stop Peeta from finding his way back to me.

"I'm gonna go. I'll see you later." He said, before starting for the door. I knew if I was going to fully heal, if I was going to get through this, I couldn't do it alone. I knew I could try forever, but I'd never be able to get through it alone. He reached for the door knob when I called his name. "Yeah?" He asked, turning to me.

"Stay with me?" I asked, extending my hand to him. He stood there, staring for a second, before this wonderful smile lit up his face.

"Always." He whispered. He walked over to me, and pulled me into his arms. I was taken back to that night on the train, when I couldn't fight the nightmares, and I'd asked him to stay with me. I hadn't heard his answer because I'd gone unconscious before I could hear it, but deep down, my subconscious had heard it, and stored it away for the perfect moment, moments like these. We curled up on my couch, my head in his lap. He ran his fingers through my hair, and stared down at me.

"How have you been doing? With your memories and the hijacking and all?" I finally asked after a long silence.

"I have my moments where I'd like to come over here and strangle you, but it's not so hard to get my grip on reality anymore." He explained. I wasn't going to voice how sometimes… I'd allow him to strangle me.

"I'm glad you're getting better." I told him.

"I'm glad you're getting better." He said, touching my forehead.

"I don't think I'll ever get better, Peeta."

"You will. You're strong, Katniss. Look around you; look at what you've done, all the people you've helped. You've survived the biggest game of them all. You can tough this out."

"People I've helped? Peeta, lots of people are dead because of me. Finnick, Boggs, all of them are dead because of me. Prim… she's-." He cut me off.

"No… what happened to your sister was not your fault, and don't you think that for a second. We know who's to blame for her death." He said. I looked away. "I'm going to get you through this, like you've gotten me through everything else."

"Gotten you through everything else? I'm the reason you were taken by the Capitol, Peeta." I stood up and walked into the center of the room. "I'm the reason you were hijacked, and beaten. What happened to you was my fault. How can you say I got you through everything?" I demanded. He smiled.

"Because deep down inside, I knew what I was fighting for, who I was fighting for. Even when I was hijacked, deep down inside, I knew why I had to make it. I had to, or I would have given up long before they rescued me." He said. I shook my head. He stood up and walked over to me.

"When you found out they rescued you and left me in the arena, you scratched Haymitch's face all up because you were angry, real or not real?" He asked. I looked down.

"Real." I murmured.

"You demanded my immunity before they even planned my rescue mission, real or not real?" He asked.

"Real, but-." He shook his head.

"There is no but, Katniss. I knew what I was holding on for in the Capitol. I didn't know consciously, but I knew subconsciously, that I did have someone to come home to."

"But you really didn't. When they brought you back, I wasn't the same girl I was in the arena. I won't ever be that girl. I was the mockingjay when they brought you back. It was different." I said.

"You've always been the mockingjay Katniss." He told me. He pressed a kiss to my forehead. "But you're my mockingjay."

"I don't understand how I was lucky enough to be given someone like you, Peeta. I don't deserve you. After everything I've done, all the trouble I've put you and everyone else through… I deserve to be alone. How did I get so lucky?" I asked him. He took my face in his hands, forcing me to look at him.

"You love me, real or not real?"

"Real… it's always been real." I whispered, knowing it had been, I'd just been too blind to see it.

"Then the rest of it, doesn't matter." He murmured, before pulling my face to his and kissing me with all the fire and passion we'd kissed with that day on the beach in the arena. I never thought I'd experience something so raw and powerful again, but I stood corrected.


End file.
